directed | IC Inbox - Entranceway

Thought so.

[Mick smirks because his ego needed that. He needed to know he could crush that speedy bastard if he had to. Mick picks up his drink and finishes it off, sliding the bottle aside and pulling out another.]

I mean, you know, I get it. You and him. Danger can sometimes be a turn on and you strike me as someone a little kinky. [He shrugs. Yes, this is Mick empathising. ~~And trolling.~~] Bet it hits a lot of those buttons.

[Cheers to a boost of confidence, then. Of course, Mick immediately follows it up with innuendo-laden implications about what might be going on between him and Eobard, leaving Rip to hide a groan behind a swallow of his drink.]

I assure you, there is nothing between Mr. Thawne and I that isn’t strictly professional. [A statement which alone might not prompt Mick to drop this particular line of inquiry. Well. Since they are being honest—]

And beyond that, I do still consider myself married, Mr. Rory—all circumstances aside.

[The certainty of Miranda’s death, of Jonas’, does nothing to change Rip’s view of himself as a husband and father, even if he is ultimately a failure at both.]

That's what they all say when they're doing someone they shouldn't. From presidents to horny pervs, everyone lies about who they're nail and say it's 'professional'.

[Mick's just goading him, as always, it's kind of funny to watch his face make that sort of 'oh dear God' expression and can he be blamed for provoking it out of him? His hate for Rip had cooled a lot but he still enjoyed tormenting him.]

Seriously? You're still 'married'? [Wasn't his chick dead? Huh] Is that like a timey thing or are you just not aware that widows are a thing? Is that not a concept in the future?

Yes, well. Congratulations then. You've met the one exception to the rule.

[Rip's starting to pick up on the fact that he's being pushed, but on this topic he'd really rather not indulge. Especially not after his confession which earns less sympathy from Mick than he might have hoped. Rip's gaze shifts to a harmless spot in the distance, his posture growing tense.

Perhaps this is a mistake after all.]

I know what I am, Mr. Rory. [Widower being the technical term. Yet Rip has not brought himself to speak it aloud.] It is a concept we have, yes. But that hardly changes the fact--

[That he loved Miranda more than anything else in time and space, except perhaps their son.

That with them he'd found a happiness beyond compare, one worth betraying the Time Masters for long before he knew they'd betrayed him first.

That she had shown him love before he could even begin to fathom what it truly meant--

Rip sucks in a sharp breath. The thought plays in his mind, that Mick likely doesn't know which parts of their mission they'd succeeded in, and which they failed. It is that awareness which keeps him seated.]

My loyalty and my heart both belong to my wife. Her death does not change that.

[Mick supposed that made sense really, you didn't stop loving someone just because they died. They were still almost alive in your head and you could still think of the future and things you wanted to do together, even if you couldn't. He remembered all the mornings when he was younger, lying in bed like all lazy teenagers did, expecting his mom to burst in any moment and yell at him for still not being awake.

Even though he knew, he always knew he'd killed her, left her in that house to burn. He couldn't forget what he'd done, not ever, not for a moment and yet it was like the two things could exist in tandem.

And he got feeling with Leonard now, was this how it was? He was both alive and dead and Mick felt a strange hollowness about that. If he ever left here, Leonard would be gone, they had no real future, they could make no plans or expect much. They were just stuck now, never going forward.

Mick slowly takes a sip of his drink and nods his head, silent for a while as he mulls it over himself.]

Death doesn't take them from you, it just means they haunt you. Not like an actual ghost but they hang over you, you can't shake it. [He guessed that was weird really, that he pays more notice to people he lost than those around him.] It's not like they're stuck, you're stuck. You can't move forward. It's dumb, really but what are you gonna do? All your plans are aimed forward and they can't go with you.

[Rip resumes his drinking as Mick drawls out his thoughts on the matter. Though they are perhaps not the most eloquently phrased, the man is hardly wrong in his assessment. Rip is haunted by the memories of his wife and son, but there is a deeper truth to that: he wants to be. It is why he's spent countless hours in his office staring at their pictures, or watching that final message he received from Miranda and Jonas before Savage found them.

His son asking him to come home soon.

Miranda's veiled disappointment when she said she'd expected him back already. She didn't want him to feel guilty for the delay--

God, she was a far better woman than Rip ever deserved.]

That's the thing, Mr. Rory. I don't want to "shake it." [He doesn't want to merely cast aside his feelings for them, although he's equally aware that the process is hardly so simple as that.] I know that in the end I will move forward, because that is what people do. It is the heart of our existence: to continue on, in spite of all things.

But when I do--[He swallows.]--when I do. I fear that is the moment I will have truly lost them both.

Cause you blame yourself, that's why. You can't move on when you blame yourself.

[Mick knows a thing or two about that. He's lived it himself, first his parents and now Leonard. Yes, he blames himself for Leonard, he doesn't know the full details, he just knows that he shouldn't have let him die. No matter what. Leonard was dead and he'd failed. That was on him, it was always on him if he failed Leonard.]

That's what guilt does to you. Makes you stuck because you know you could have done something different. It ain't like a heart attack or an accident, it's on you.

[Mick pulls out his lighter and lights it up, idly watching the flame as he sets it onto the table, sipping his beer as he does so.]

What if I had woke them up and told them? What if I hadn't of come home that night? What if I just left the lighter fluid alone? What if you stopped him in the first place from boarding the ship? You ask yourself a lot of questions but in the end, you did it. And you gotta live with it. [Even if the guilt rots away at you, consumes you, keeps you up at night. Mick has accepted his, he's learned to hate himself, to embrace what a monster he is, he can't give Rip any advise he could use or feel good about.

He does look at Rip for a moment, breaking his eyes away from the fire.]

You didn't do it. Take it from someone's who did it, who made that mistake, always makes that mistake. Your guilt is -- fuck, what's the world? [Mick frowns for a moment and groans in frustration, words lodged in his head.] Misplaced? I guess.

It's your lover and your boy, you're gonna hate yourself, even if you did everything. And given you fucked with time to save them, you pretty much did. [But sometimes you can't change what happens.] I don't think you can save them. And I ain't saying that to be a dick, that's just like.

Ask me, ask Leonard, ask anyone. Life fucks with you, even if you fuck with it.

Edited 2017-03-05 18:09 (UTC)

[He isn't wrong. Rip does indeed blame himself, in every way he can find. It doesn't matter that the guilt is illogical--that he had not only been fighting against Vandal Savage and time itself, but the Time Masters, the Oculus, the very manipulation of the universe until that one outcome was guaranteed to happen, over and over, no matter what Rip Hunter might have done to prevent it.

That knowledge does nothing to absolve him of what Rip sees now and forever as his sin.

He watches Mick in silence as the man fills the air with his own questions, each as burning as the flame he presents. Rip already has some context for this; perhaps it is an unfair advantage, but their journey back through time thanks to the Pilgrim has allowed him to see the night Mick speaks of.

Still, he hadn't known everything. He certainly never would have guessed that Mick carries that weight in his heart.

There's a flicker of a grin as Mick tries to console him. It's a thoughtful effort, if still futile in the end. So much of it is, and Rip huffs out a sound not unlike a laugh, though far more bitter than one should be.]

You aren't wrong, I'm afraid. [Not even about who is truly to blame, even if Rip's guilt is far more stubborn than swayed by his words. He taps his fingers lightly on the table, judging, debating as always.

But in the end, the death of his family is set. There is nothing that can be done to change it.]

I didn't save them. In spite of every effort, every sacrifice, Vandal Savage still slaughtered my wife and child. Even if I were to return home and succeed in putting an end to the man--[And there are indications that they will, thanks to Ray.]--it is too late for my family.

Miranda and Jonas are dead.

Look at it this way, you avenged them. And you got a chance to try, that's more than most people get. You tried all you could and you still lost but you tried.

[Mick places his hand over the flame, close enough that it burns gently into the soft skin of his palm, holding it there without even flinching. Fire barely hurt these days, it had an immunity. Not like when he was a kid, young, guilty and struggling with how he felt about anything, when he'd light matches and burn himself, it'd hurt a lot more back then. These days his hands are used to it, he can barely feel it.]

Besides, knowing all the weird sci-fi bullshit that goes on these days, maybe someone will clone them or time will undo events or something. All those cliches.

[All he knew from sci-fi stuff was that it was weird, unpredictable and usually ended horribly.

He pauses for a moment before leaning forward, looking at Rip expectantly but with a hint of a smile. Just to detour off the topic a little, he has to wonder.] So, tell me, are chest bursters real? Like in Alien. Does that shit happen? Like am I gonna have an alien rip out of my chest one day?

[Horrible and scary but seriously, what a way to go.]

Edited 2017-03-05 18:32 (UTC)

Except I haven't done so yet, Mr. Rory. Vandal Savage still breathes in the point I've been pulled from.

[And that makes all the difference. No matter how many reassurances Raymond might provide, no matter how many of them might be drawn from a future where Savage is dead and gone forever, until Rip experiences it for himself? To him it will remain in the future, and thus able to be changed. He cannot think any other way, regardless of how much evidence there is that what he knows in Wonderland will not affect the outcome.

He cannot risk thinking any other way.

By that same token, he cannot fall into some false sense of hope that, as Mick suggests, might be provided by "sci-fi bullshit." The "fi" means "fictional," and while arguably every scientific advancement is a fiction until it is proven fact, even Rip's hope does not spring quite so eternal as that.

It takes a moment, however, to see where Mick is going with this. Even with that small grin, Rip narrows his eyes at the man in confusion at the sudden shift in topic.]

What? [Of course, it doesn't help that Rip also hasn't seen any part of the Alien franchise; he doesn't tend to watch sci-fi movies in general. Too many errors for his tastes, and he's more of a reader besides.]

...No, I--I don't believe I've ever heard of such a thing. [Which sounds positively horrific, for the record.] Although there are extraterrestrial beings. Just not--those.

I'm sure we'll get the bastard. [He assumed we, given he didn't seem to be going anywhere, according to Leonard and Ray. Even if last time he'd been ditched, it seemed like he was staying around this time. Interesting.] If this quest to kill that fucker kills my partner, I'm gonna damn well make sure I burn that fucker. You get me?

[Well, at least Mick isn't entirely wrong, even if he didn't know.]

You never seen those films? We gotta watch that if we ever get back. Remind me.

[Nothing like a horrific death from an alien exploding out of you and that one isn't even the goriest in the franchise but Mick did love his gore, violence and, to a degree, body horror. Gross horror and sci-fi was the film version of daring each other to poke a dead body.]

Good, I don't want to get impregnated by a violent alien that's gonna rip out of my gut.

[Shockingly, he's not that into it.] You ever seen the Thing? Are aliens like that too?

[He isn't wrong in that assumption; Mick not only rejoins their team, he becomes an invaluable part of it. Without his knowledge of the Hunters and his ability to resist the Time Masters' induction, they would not have survived all they have.

Moreover, that sudden show of determination from the man draws a rare smile from Rip. He ducks his head briefly.] I do indeed.

[It is good to feel united on some front, even if there are differences that will forever exist between them. For instance? Despite Mick's clear enjoyment and endorsement of the Alien movie, Rip finds himself lacking much desire to see it.

Still:] Or there could be opportunity to watch it here. There's a movie theater set up on the fourth floor. It's pretty far down; I suspect whoever created it didn't want to risk disturbing any neighbors.

[Certainly no more than Mick desires--what he's just described. Rip frowns, the description entirely disgusting, thank you, then shakes his head.]

I can't say I know of anyone who would. [The things the imagination creates.]

I'm afraid extraterrestrials aren't my area of expertise, Mr. Rory--nor are many movies based on the concept of them.

You want to watch movies with me? Heh. I don't think you and I have the same taste. Then again, neither do me and Leonard but he'll sit through anything I put on.

[Leonard is a true friend, honestly. He'd sat through every 2 fast 2 furious film, every crappy ninja movie, every Van Damme film, every gross gore movie ~~and even the Notebook which, shut up, made him believe in love again~~ all for Mick. Admittedly he usually read during or plotted things but he'd sat through some real trash for Mick.

To be fair, Mick also sat through some nerd films and a few documentaries so he felt it was even.]

We should do a movie night. I wonder if they have The Thing. You'll love it. A guy's stomach becomes a giant jaw and eats the docs arms when he tries to give him CPR!

[Clearly a cultured and worthy film for them to both watch.]

A lot of sci-fi has shit bursting out of stomachs or mutating stomachs. Do aliens like stomachs or somethin'? [Look, he's asking out of genuine curiosity, even if it sounds like he's messing with Rip, he shockingly isn't. For once.]

[…Dear God, when he puts it like that Mick makes it sound like Rip’s asked him on a date or something.] More like I’d be willing to experience new things—and should that happen in your company, or Mr. Snart’s or Dr. Palmer’s or any combination thereof, I wouldn’t object.

[Rip steals another sip of his drink after that. He’s had enough now to start to feel it, which isn’t at all unpleasant. What is? Is the description Mick offers up, which earns him a brief look of disgust.]

Love might be a rather strong word—or just the wrong one. [Still, he isn’t saying no. Rip really does try to keep an open mind, and he believes there’s something new to be learned about humanity and their cultures from every work of creativity.

Even a horror flick.]

I don’t know. You could probably ask around; no doubt there are aliens here. [Is Rip being serious? Who’s to say? Of course, it doesn’t hurt that Mick’s likely not the type to care if the aliens might be offended by such questions.

Hopefully it just won’t lead to anyone getting punched or otherwise maimed.]

Considering the source, however, it’s more likely rooted in human fear. The thought of something being inside of you that you can’t stop from devouring you from within, even as you feel it eat away at you. [He leans closer, his hand raised in a closed fist at first, until he suddenly opens it with force, as if to demonstrate his next words.] Then it bursts out in a violent, bloody mess, leaving you to writhe in agony until at last you mercifully die, as nothing else will stop the pain.

Such movies are meant to horrify, after all.

God, movie night with Snart and Haircut. It'd end in murder.

[Though apparently Leonard minded Ray a little less here so maybe he'd chilled it on the hate. Though finding a film they could all watch in piece would be tricky. Mick still votes for the Thing and Aliens. Gross out gory horror movies were the best movies to watch with people, everyone shut up and looked horrified. Perfection.

He always tried to tell Lisa they were the best date movies. Never worked. Stupid kid, being so smart.]

I could ask but I don't wanna piss off the aliens. That's the one thing I learned from movies, you never piss an alien off. Or a giant gorilla or lizard.

[None of those. Mick was smart, see. He knew who to bother and who not to bother.]

I've never been overly afraid of stuff bursting out of my stomach. Like I'm not exactly asking for it but I don't think it's on my list. It's mostly just toads and cold. [The two biggest fears of his life.] No one ever makes horror movies about toads.

Dunno why. They're terrifying.

--Perhaps. It would likely depend on how much Dr. Palmer attempted to talk during the movie.

[A lot being the answer to immediately come to mind. Like Mick, Rip attempts to come up with the name of some movie that might actually have the four of them all walking out of the room alive and at least relatively unharmed—

Mick might not be wrong about the horror films, if “disgusted” isn’t among the criteria they’re trying to avoid.]

Likely not an unwise policy in general. [Too bad for Rip there hadn’t been one to convince him not to piss of time travelers, hmm? Not that he suspects Mick wouldn’t have found a way regardless, just as he likely still should some alien or giant lizard—or perhaps vampire—cross his path in the wrong way.] Wonderland is problematic enough without giving those around us reason to quarrel with us.

[Y’know. Like Rip so often winds up doing.]

Toads? [Cold, yes, Rip’s aware enough of. Considering his interactions with Leonard, it’s all but impossible not to be. Almost like how it’s almost impossible not to be curious at the other fear Mick’s thrown out there.] Now you know I’m going to have to ask why—but also, is this something I should be pouring myself another drink for?

[Or perhaps it’s time for Mick to move up to something harder? Who’s to say that his fear of toads isn’t rooted in something deeply traumatic?]

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